The heck is this?!

Today I come home from work to find my mother, my own flesh and blood, entertaining the bane of my existence: Tyra Mother Effing Banks. I DO NOT CONDONE TYRA BEING IN MY HOUSE AND ENTERTAINING MY MOTHER.

I hate her so much (Tyra, not my mom). But since my mom frowns upon me telling her what to do, Tyra "Plague Upon The Earth" Banks is still using our television set to transport herself into our living room. That's right, my home, the one place of comfort and safety, is now filled with the loud sounds of a shrewish banshee woman. And who does Tyra think she is? You know what I hate, when she tries to "open people's eyes" to the injustice in the world. Like when she dressed up in a fat suit and lived a day like a plus-sized girl.



Hey, guess what? I didn't need Asshat VagWeiner to dress up in a fat suit to tell me that being fat sucks. I've pretty much been able to figure that out myself. And of course because she's Tyra and a fart face she was all up in people's business about it. Like she would walk up to random strangers and be like, "I'm fat! Why are you judging me?!" and then when they looked at her strangely, she would be like, "People treat you so badly when you're overweight." No, people treat you badly when you're a crazy D-list celebrity dressed in the worst fat suit I've ever seen.

There was just a preview for another episode of her show where they make a little white girl drink dirty water from a water bottle so she can know what it's like to "live in Africa". Puh-lease, Tyra. You're no Oprah.

For Christmas, I'm going to ask Santa to please expel Tyra banks from the face of the earth by any means possible. Or at least cancel her shows. Or a pony.