Valentine's Aftermath

I now know it is possible to spend an entire day unconscious.

Plan Drink Face Off went off without a hitch. Some friends and I headed to a hip kids bar downtown. It was a blast. I drank, I danced, I shit talked and I laughed a ridiculous amount. It was like the perfect storm of awesome. Someone get George Clooney on the phone, I have a sequel idea to pitch.

The result of having such a fun night is waking up feeling like someone punched my head and dumped a trash can in my mouth. I stumbled into the house this morning at 8 a.m. and proceeded to take off my pants and immediately fall asleep for THE ENTIRE DAY.

Well, that's not technically true. I woke up long enough to do two things:

Eat tacos,


and watch zombie movies.


Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to turn in for the night. At 7:37. Score.

Never Too Late for 2008

It's only 5 days into 2009 and I don't think it's too late for a holiday update. Even though the holidays are so 2008. Well guess what? I don't follow the general principal of time. I make my own time. That was one of my resolutions in 2009, to make my own time. So now that it's 17:0x o'clock, it's time for a semi-late to the party 2008 in review.



Holiday 1: Christmas

Christmas was amazing...amazingly cold! When it snows in New Mexico, Mother Nature doesn't mess around. She's like, "You stole my land and, y'know what, eff that. Eat snow, ya bastards!" It was freezing. I stepped off the plane and looked a lot like this:


You better believe I was NOT doing lunges. It was so cold, I'm not even positive I could feel my legs.

But I'll tell you something: nothing gets rid of the coldies then some chili. If it's one thing New Mexico knows, it's chili. I had chili with posole, chili with tamales, and I can't be sure, but I may have chased a shot of tequila with a spoonful of yummy, delicious chili. My eating plan went to hell in a handbasket (full of chili).

The highlight of the trip was when my parents took us to Santa Fe. They went to college there and just wanted to show us around. Santa Fe is awesome. It has all these galleries everywhere and everything smells like, well, you know.*

However, if there's one gripe I have with New Mexico, it's the fact that we saw these creepy bronze statues hangin' around. Some were kids, some were animals, and a couple were bears. Now let me say this-- bears scare the shit out of me. I am terrified of them. I don't like statues, paintings or any other sort of bear replicas, but I'm not afraid of them. I'm uncomfortable around them because of what they represent: 600lbs of rage covered in fur. Bears will rip your face off and eat your legs all because you just so happened to walk within 200 feet of their cubs. I didn't see your name written on this forest, you selfish ass bear. It's not like you can outrun them either. They're freakishly fast for being fatties. You can't out climb them or out swim them either because, oh yeah, THEY'RE FREAKISHLY FAST FOR BEING SUCH FATTY McFATTERSONS. It's astonishing and really quite terrifying.

Of course, my family was thoroughly amused and fascinated by these statues. So much so, there was posing involved.









And then this happened:

Family: Look, Karina, a bear! Go stand by it.
Karina: No.
Family: C'mon! It's not a real bear.
Karina: I hate it anyway.
Family: Go on. Pretend like you're punching it in the head.
Karina: What?! No.
Family: C'mon. We'll take a picture and it'll be funny.
Karina:...Fine.




Holiday 2: New Years Eve and New Years Day
Since this was the first year I was legally able to go out and make a fool of myself, I decided to take advantage. And take advantage I did!


Myself, Holly and Crystal


Cousin Nikki and her boyfriend


Crystal, her fiance Brandon, Cousin Stephanie and her boyfriend, Ryan


Nikki was not impressed with my booth dancing. She must not have been using her eyes.


Marcos and Holly


Who likes to rock the party? I like to rock the party!

Now, dear reader, I'd like to tell you about the songs I danced to and the jokes I told. But honestly, I don't remember a lot of the night. I suffered from a common ailment called "selective memory" or what some people like to ruin and call "blacking out". Here's what I do recall. Dancing was involved, as was alcohol and sequins. Bad decisions and laughing were also involved, the latter mostly being at my expense. But y'know what? I had a blast. Not just a regular blast, but a rocket flying, bomb exploding blast. If there's one thing I regret, it's drunk dialing everyone in my phonebook, including Directory Assistance. Oh Directory Assistance, you always take my calls.


Holiday 3: 1st Wedding of 2009
Alright, I realize this isn't a real holiday. But this is my blog and I'll write about what I please! This past Saturday, my cousin Bride got married. I love going to family parties because my family is awesome and on most occasions, alcohol is served. After spending most of New Years Day cuddled in bed watching The Office and my new copy of Rocky Balboa, I vowed that I would stay away from the liquor. Then I heard about this magical place at the wedding reception called "Open Bar". Oh, and what a magical place it was. I had fairy sparkled drinks like prickly pear magaritas, Washington Sour Apples, tequila shots, Negra Modelos, Fat Tires, sips of dirty martinis and the most delicious/disgusting shot called a peanut butter and jelly.

An after effect of hanging out Open Bar was my dancing abilities improved ten fold. I put Tina Turner to shame the way I rolled down the river on that dance floor. This was your dance area? Sorry, I own it now. Oh, what? You're going to play "Cotton Eyed Joe" in an attempt to get all the brown people to clear the area? Psych! You didn't realize I knew how to throw my hat into a ho down. It was amazing.


The always awesome lady cousins. Christina, Anna, Nikki and Stephanie


Nothing beats being fancy and drinking.


Me and my momma


The scary ones, Dad and Armando


The lookers in the family.


The end of 2008 turned out to be a whirlwind of fun. I had so much fun with my friends and family. I am choosing to believe that all the fun I've had in the past few weeks is an indicator of what 2009 is and should be.

So, here's to 2009. It's going to be fine.**


*Hint: CHILI.
**Another one of my resolutions is to rhyme more. I think it's working out really well so far.

EnV2, will you marry me and commit to a lifetime of good reception?

I forgot my phone at home today. I feel cut off from the world. Everytime I forget my phone (which believe me, isn't often), I get really stressed out and anxious. What if someone really imporant is trying to call me? What if I'm missing out on some hilarious text from a friend? What if I've won something and they're calling to let me know but I'M NOT THERE TO ANSWER?!

My skin gets all goosebumpy and my voice gets really high pitched. I've been trying to mentally teleport my phone to my office building all morning. So far, no go. Damn it, this is why I need to be enrolled in Hogwarts instead of lame, no magic college. I could apparate anything in a matter of seconds. But no, I'm enrolled in learning-through-boring-textbooks-and-lectures-instead-of-flying-around-on-a-broomstick-and-hanging-out-with-Dumbledore college. Effing muggles, man.

Aside from missing my one true love (I'm looking at you, Verizon EnV 2), I'm feeling better. The weekend did me well. It was a weekend long birthday celebration of the awesome blossom that is Marcos, my older, cooler brother. Drinks were served, vomit was plentiful, burgers were grilled and fun was had. I just found my camera today and let me tell you, that bad boy went on an adventure this weekend. So now there's photo documentation of all the drunken, obnoxious antics. Great. Perhaps I'll get around to posting them later. If I remember. Maybe.*

*Maybe not. My ego is still pretty bruised on account of me embarassing myself. I was all up on that shorty like, "Wassup yo?" and she was all, "You don't know 20 different ways to make me call you Big Poppa," cause I don't, yo.**

**What?

I'll show you some Steps of Knowledge

Whew, another Halloween down the pipeline! Verdict: success. As promised, here's what I looked like as a Blue Barracuda.



Blue Barracuda was the best team from Legends of the Hidden Temple. Everyone knows it. So much so, that during our bar hopping we ran into another Blue Barracuda. Who knew so many former LOTHT fans liked to discover their very own Temple of Vodka on a Friday night.

The rest of the group looked great. Don't believe me? Don't be silly. Check 'em out.


Marcos as Period Pants and Holly as an 80s fitness instructor.


Crystal, my sister-in-law-in-law, as a Playboy Bunny and Brandon, her fiance, as Hef.


Daniela being Risky Business.


When I tried on the Risky Business glasses, it looked like I was blind. And have carpal tunnel. So pretty much exactly what I was going for.


The ladies.

I have to be honest, most of the ladies we saw looked scandalous. Daniela was not the only one showin' off the risky business. Just by wearing jeans and a t-shirt, I felt way overdressed. We saw a couple girls wearing only underwear and corsets and one girl who was just in a bra and a small piece of fabric trying to masquerade itself as a skirt. Ladies, I realize Halloween is code for "vaginas dress like sluts". I get it and I've made peace with it. I'll even go so far as to say that some of the slutty fire fighters, slutty policewomen, slutty Dorothys and even that one slutty witch looked alright. But c'mon, wearing your underwear and putting animal ears on is just lazy. You aren't even trying. I mean, at least the slutty (insert job here) had some sort of idea what they wanted to be, even if they got it terribly, inappropriately wrong. Ladies, we're better than that. We're much more creative than that. And if you're not, then at least don't let the drunken Tin Man in the corner touch your yellow brick road. It's just ooky.

Hope you all had a good Halloween! Now onto November.

Fear Fest '08

Whew! What a weekend. More about that in just a minute, but before I dive into that, I'd like to take this opportunity to say how much I love AMC. Yes, that's AMC as in the TV channel. Today I woke up and wasn't feeling so hot, so I called in sick and curled up on my couch with a million pillows and AMC's Fear Fest '08. It's all horror movies, all day until Halloween is over. Yesterday I watched no less than 5 horror movies, including one so amusingly titled The Midnight Meat Train (note: it does involve actual meat). This morning, I have taken in The Omen II, The Omen III and I'm currently in the middle of An American Werewolf in London. I literally haven't left my couch all morning. Not even to shower or eat or anything. I don't know if I should be proud of that or not (probably not).

Anyway, I'm beginning to not feel so much like a pod person, so I think my movie marathon will last only for today. Tomorrow I'll go back to joining the ranks of the real world.

Which reminds me, I had an excellent weekend! On Friday an old pal from Phoenix came to hang out and on Saturday we went up to Phoenix for my uncle's wedding. It's hard to watch movies and blog at the same time, so here are some choice pictures from the weekend to keep you entertained whilst I get my scary movie on.




Nothing beats impromptu car photo shoots. Especially at 2 in the morning in line at Viva Burrito.


We did not know those people in the car. Serious.


Mom and Uncle Mario, the groom.


Myself and the Escalante ladies.


My gorgeous cousins and sister-in-law.


I'm not going to lie to you; I didn't know what half of that business on my plate was. But I ate it. I ate it and I'm not even sorry. Which just goes to show you that you don't have to know what you're putting in your mouth to have it be delicious.


Austin, Imy and Tomas. My younger, but not so little anymore, cousins and brother.


Ugh, I hate the bouquet toss. Maybe it's cause I'm a single girl and I'm forced to recognize that in front of a bunch of strangers I don't know. My strategy for every bouquet toss is to hang out in the back with a drink, as clearly evidenced in this photo.


Cuttin' a rug with the bride.


The bride and groom.

Well I hope you're all happy. Now I have no idea what's happening in my scary movie. Although it's probably not all that difficult to figure out. Oh look, he's turning into a werewolf. Good, now I'm caught up.

Weekend Shenanigans

I realize it's not the weekend anymore. I was busy and didn't have time (read: was too lazy) to blog. What was I doing? I'm glad you asked (read: get ready for this week's blog post).

Friday

I should start by saying that I don't do girly things. I was raised with brothers and even my girl cousins were alway a little tomboyish. I don't do facials, I don't really get together with my girlfriends and watch "Sex and the City" and I'm not really one to paint nails or do make-up together with my lady pals. Yet on Friday evening, I pretty much did all of those things. Ria (of my Gossip Girl/OTH post fame) invited me over to watch movies and do facials. In the spirit of trying new things, I agreed. Here is what happened:

Looks like a good night, right? Then this happened:

I looked like a ghost. My face was whiter than my shirt and I'm pretty sure I scared myself by looking in the mirror at least once (read: three times).

Ria was having way more fun than me.

Saturday

Someone in my office told me about Oktoberfest. Since I've turned 21, I really want to go to things like this just to prove that I can. It's really weird, but I get a tremendous amount of joy when someone asks me for my ID. It's like, "Suck it, I can totally drink." I'm trying to tone down my looks of satisfaction.

I convinced Marcos, Holly and Jassem to accompany me to Tucson's own Oktoberfest (read: in the middle of a ball park). It was fun! We got some drinks, Marcos and Holly got down with some Greek food, and a good time was had by all.

Oh that guy? That's my pal Jassem and his amazing hand face. I know, science should study him. That's what I keep saying.

I'd like to take a second to discuss the food situation. This Oktoberfest felt a little like the fair. There were booths where you could get food and beer, and then seperate booths where you could buy things or play games. Everyone was filling their bellies with beer and food, and we saw this guy.

I don't get people and their need to consume huge pieces of meat. But this guy, this guy was classic and not to mention, very enthused about devouring that baby thigh. Then Holly and I decided we'd really like pickles. You know, those gigantic ones that only taste good when you're walking around in public, suckling them and generally looking really inappropriate. We waited a ridiculous amount of time in a really long line, only to discover that we're really stupid and there were plenty of stands with pickles that did not have a line the size of Germany. We got our pickles, and some of us were less pleased than others.

Also, wtf is happening with my hair? It's like it's eating my face in order to try and get closer to that damn pickle. And apparently pickles turn me into a mutant. Weird.

After the Great Pickle Search of 2008, we capped the night off with a bag of kettle corn the size of my leg (read: Holly's body).

Love at first site.


This picture was mostly taken to illustrate the classiness of the evening. If posing with kettle corn next to empty kegs of Coors Light doesn't scream sophistication, I don't know what does.

The rest of the weekend was great too. Hamlet in the park, watching movies, being lazy and late night drinking with friends made it a great weekend. Sometimes I forget how awesome my friends are and then weekends like this come and I'm like, "Oh yeah, this is why I continue to know these people." Duh.