Showing posts with label I Wish My Office Were Like "The Office". Show all posts
Showing posts with label I Wish My Office Were Like "The Office". Show all posts

1.06.2009

In A Nutshell

Things have been hectic. Not in a bad way, mind you, but there are times when it feels like the earth is spinning way too fast and I can't seem to catch up. This morning I was a little late to work and felt really rushed. I had so much on my plate. Install my new computer, file months worth of neglected files, work on a project I'd been putting off. Catching up was the name of the game.

I started to unload some of the contents of my purse that I brought specifically for work. Some snacks, a book, chapstick, things like that. I looked at the way I had laid them out and realized that these few things could represent what my life has been about for the past few days.

pic1

The new year is a great jumping off point for dieters. Well, it would be, but I'm not a dieter. I eat whatever I want, just in limited amounts. I've been trying to watch what I shove into my mouth* so I can keep myself on track. Watching what I eat is important to me, almost as important as say, oh, zombies.

I think I've made it pretty clear how I feel about the undead. Sure, zombies are fascinating (as is this book), but it's not just them I'm fascinated with. I love the idea of being able to say peace out to the real world and focus on whatever I want to. Be it zombies or the awesome DVDs that were bestowed upon me by "Santa", I've been enjoying being able to check out from real life whenever I feel like it. I won't be able to do that once school starts (barf), but until then, I plan on escaping into the zombie apocalypse, the world of Rocky Balboa or Scranton, Pennsylvania as often as I can. That is, when I'm not mini-trampolining.** Because let's face it, sometimes made up worlds are way better than the one I live in. Take that, Earth.


*Yes, that IS what she said. I heard it with my own ears. She's such a pervert.
**Sweet God, mini-trampolining is the best exercise ever! More tomorrow.

12.23.2008

Year Round Dickery

It's been a rough morning. It all started at 2 a.m. I slept on the couch last night because I was alone. My family is in New Mexico for Christmas and when they're not home, the house feels too big. The couch seemed like the only welcoming place. My dog spent half an hour barking at the front door, something both irritating and kind of creepy. I woke up when my alarm went off with a crick in my neck and a dog on my back.

Then, in a rush to find an umbrella and make it into work without being late, I locked myself out of the house. And since I am a certified genius (I won a grant and everything) and keep my house and car keys on the same keychain, I realized that I was a.) royally fucked and b.) locked out of the house...in the rain...without an umbrella...with a mean case of the frizzies. Someone cue the violins.

After a knight in shining armor showed up in The Black Egg (thanks again, Marcos!), it was off to work where things were a little hectic. Nothing I haven't handled before, but I couldn't shake off the crappy bits of the morning and I felt kind of bleh in general.

By 10:30 or so, things were looking up. Work had quieted down and I was starting to unwind. Then a guy came in. He was scruffy looking with a red beard and fogged glasses. He was tense and annoyed the second he came through the door.

"I need a permit," Red Beard grunted. His voice was gruff and he slapped down an envelope on the desk. He's not here to fuck around. I understand that, nobody wants to waste time doing unpleasant errands. But if you needed a permit by the end of the year, maybe coming in December Motherfucking 23rd wasn't the best idea.

Of course, because the Universe has a sense of humor, we don't have the permit he needs. In fact, he's at the wrong place entirely. The only place he can get the type of permit he needs is in Phoenix. Great. I let Red Beard in on the bad news.

"You people keep giving me the run around!" he bellowed. "I'm not going to Phoenix when you should have what I need here." I've dealt with assholes before, this guy should be no different.

"I'm sorry sir," I said. "We don't issue those permits here because that piece of land isn't part of our property. I can give you the Phoenix number if you'd like."

"I'd like to tell you where you can take this whole damn state," he said. Deep breaths, I tell myself. I smiled him, trying my best to remain courteous.

"You're ridiculous," Red Beard growled at me. He picked up his envelope and stormed out.

Fucking prick, I think. A guy from down the hall, who heard the whole exchange, walked up to me.

"What happened?" he asked.

"We didn't have what he was looking for," I said. I could feel my face start to get red and tears began to well up. It wasn't just Red Beard. Everything shitty about the past few days and the morning that preceded it had finally caught up to me. Being alone in a house that's too big, trying to accomplish goals that seem unattainable, feeling grossly inadequate about everything in my life. Everything I'd been successfully avoiding for the past couple weeks found me the second Red Beard walked out the door and took my confidence with him.

"Hey," the guy from down the hall said. "If someone is ever acting like that, my office is only a few doors down."

"Yeah, I've dealt with people like that before," I say. Christ, I can't believe I'm about to cry at work. "It just takes me a minute to process it. I mean, it's Christmas, the time of year people are supposed to be on their best behavior."

"Don't worry about it," the guy says with a shrug. "Some people are dicks year round."

I laugh. Can't argue with that.

Also, I think this may be the last post before Christmas. I'm leaving Thursday to New Mexico to join the rest of the familia, so I'll be on Christmas Vacation* until sometime next week.

Happy Christmas, all.


*Sans Chevy Chase, of course.

9.26.2008

Holy Thursday!

Question: Which day of the week totally swooped down and rocked everyone's world?
Answer: Thursday.

Aw yeah, suck it Friday! Here comes Thursday, just trodding along totally unassuming and BLAM, pop culture goodness all over the place. Need something to watch? KAPOW, Thursday. Need something good to read? SHAZAM, Thursday. Yesterday was great for two reasons.

Reason 1: The Road by Cormac McCarthy

road

Okay, so I know I'm like a million years behind and everyone's already read this and even Oprah has recommended it, but Jesus. This book was more than a book. It was the most beautiful, heartbreaking thing I've ever read. It was brutal. I avoided all human contact yesterday in order to stay in my bed (that I fashioned into a fort for me and my dog, Simon). It was completley worth it. Cormac McCarthy is the master. I will never accomplish anything as amazing as Cormac McCarthy. It's a scientifically proven fact. Which leads me to add, you probably shouldn't read this book if you're depressed because you may not make it through. But barring a deep and soul crushing depression, READ THIS BOOK IMMEDIATELY. You won't regret it and if you do, then we may need to evaluate our friendship.



Reason 2: The Office

The Office

Michael: What's the #1 killer of Americans?
Dwight: Shotgun weddings.

Holy amazing, The Office was fantastic tonight. If you haven't watched it yet, I recommend you stop reading this now because I'm about to go off like a middle-aged secretary. First of all, let's discuss the best part of the show: Jim and Pam finally got engaged! I didn't think I would ever stop squealing. Man, that was amazing. Four seasons of build up and I was not disappointed. Also, I'd just like to take this moment to say that I love Kelly Kapour and Creed more than anyone on The Office. Jim and Pam are great, don't get me wrong. But Kelly steals all the scenes she's in and Creed is hilariously weird and awesome. They need to have a Kelly/Creed show and invite me on to guest star. C'mon NBC, you know you want to.

Way to rock the party, Thursday.

9.22.2008

Blarg, Monday

I was going to blog about the weekend in Sedona, but my computer is being a tool. More of that, the weekend not the big box of ass that is this computer, later in the week.

What a bleh sort of day! In an effort to keep the Monday's at bay (yeah, I said it), I've decided to take the cue from my favorite Stephanie and all those who came before her and make a list of reasons why I should stop being so lame and wimpy and start to be happy and awesome. Here we go:

1. The Office comes back this week

The Office crew

I just want to point out that the phones used in this show are the exact same phones I use at work. I point that out every episode, every time. Even if they're out of the office setting, I'm like, "Hey, just so you guys know, the phones they use are the phones I use. So, you know, it just goes to show how dedicated they are to keeping it like a real office." I'm pretty sure everyone ignores me during this show.

2. Vampire Weekend or My Morning Jacket concert

Vampire weekend @ the social
Vampire Weekend

My Morning Jacket by Pirlouiiiit 09092006
My Morning Jacket

The radio is right up there with the list of things I hate the most, along with Tyra Banks and spelling errors. But my iPod adaptor is broken so I'm forced to listen to whatever the radio gods decide to torture me with. But last night was different. Last night I swallowed my pride and actually called into the radio station and tried to win My Morning Jacket tickets. I haven't done that since I was in 8th grade and there was a certain, not at all embarassing band that I wanted to see. I want to see My Morning Jacket more but Vampire Weekend is cheaper. See the dilemma? Maybe this'll be the week I get enough courage to go donate plasma. The building is terrifying. It's surrounded by bums and I'm pretty sure rusty needles are involved. But 50 bucks is 50 bucks.

3. New haircut

80shad2end

One can only hope.